one of my favorite conversations

between me and one of my friends

"dude they piss me off so bad... like why the fuck would they do that"
"dude i know drugs are so dumb"
"i know but like i kinda think i would do them.. you know cause they killyou... i kinda want to die"
*gasp*
"not like that.. haha now your like all concerned... i jsut dont wanna get really old... i wanna like live now.."
" and go out with a bang at like 30?!"
"YEAH!"
"dude i know exactly what oyu mean.. that does sounfd like a good plan.. like do them while your dyeing... then no one can give you shit about it .. oyu can jsut be like 'bitch im dyeing already, dont bitch at me'... i already said i was gonna try at least one right before i die"
"lets make a plan. when we like turn thirty lets get really fucked up and just die together."
"thatd be bad ass"
"fuck yeah"


i dont know if htats exactly how it went but it was something like that.... and that among various others are my favorite... thats just the most recent that i remember..... it was funny.. it doesnt really mean much though... i dont think either of us were seirous

To start off

I have no clue why I made this. At the specific moment I started I had a lot on my mind and it reminded me of how this guy I know had a bloggin like this. And he wrote this thing about going crazy. So I tried to find it, but I couldn't so I gave up and started my own. Wich I feel wierd doing, because most of these people are making these to like make a statement or for projects. or atleast the ones I've gone through while this is just random and retarded. Maybe it will make sense eventuially but I don't know. Anyways... I figure I'll start with what was on my mind. I hate losing control. I don't seem like a very controlled person in the first place. And I'm not. But losing it completely I guess is the worst thing that could happen. It's only happened once that I remember. The second time I was wasted (for the first and last time). I decided I'd never do it again. And there is really one person who really makes me feel like I will. And thats probably because I was freaking out on them that only time I can remember. You'd think I'd try and be cool around them and I'd always feel bad and never get mad. But I kinda tried to beat up an ogre and beat his face repeatedly with news papers because he made me feel dumb. And then he made me feel more dumb because he was still being nice (even if it was in a mean way) and that just made me more mad. Like I'd lost. I like to think its all forgotten because we are best friends again. But you never know. I've got one hell of a temper. I don't see anyway to embrace that. Maybe it will just come to me. But for now I'll try to get rid of it and listen to a lot of Bishop Allen. You know how you get super pissed and feel better out of nowhere. Normally its just random but there are a few things that kinda make it happen on auto. Listening to Bishop Allen helps. Or triumphant movie music. ha. Yeah.
I guess the reason I started this was cause I couldnt find another one. The guy who wrote what I was looking for. Well I cant really say anything about him, because I dont really know him. I've seen him around though and talk to some people who knows him. His girl sold me a shirt once. ha. But he wrote this crazy awesome thing about going insane. And what he'd do if he went insane. and it was the greatest peice of writing I'd ever read. It made me realize alot of stuff. One of wich being, if i went insane, I'd also want to be put on an island with animals and buisness men swinging from vines. Not in a hospital. Because i hate doctors.
Also I just talk to this other friend of mine. I don't see him really anymore. But I just told him a lot of stuff I never really thought I'd say. Like about the control thing. I thought that was wierd. It put me in one of those wierd moods. Like where I think about everyhting. Even though I should'nt really dwell on it. But I do it anyways.
By the way. I can't spell anything.